somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
