If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
