I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
