Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
