The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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