just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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