it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
