Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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