Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Shame is for Republicans.
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