Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
