i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
