Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
