just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
