My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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