can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
the raccoons are back...
Randomize