he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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