Apparently you make a good broom.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
birth control should be required to get into college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
