Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
