70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
