I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Randomize
