Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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