What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
