Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
