I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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