She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
