After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
