I'm going to jail i love you
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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