im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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