i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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