im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
