He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
