No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
