You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
