Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
