i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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