I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
