Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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