Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
