I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
