Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
