Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
