I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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