OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This baby is an asshole
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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