I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
