so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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