The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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