No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize