Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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