oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
