I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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