Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
