i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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