His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
