So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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