therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
