Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
