Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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