you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
