I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
