You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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