Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
