I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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