i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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