Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize