I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
