question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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