I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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