Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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