my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize