Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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