i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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