i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
