hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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