Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
