mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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