ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
