Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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