It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
