i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
