I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize