So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
