Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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