I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
tell me about the eggs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
