I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
