direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
