I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
