You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
