The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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