i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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