i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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