How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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