My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
