Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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