is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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